Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Nicolas Cage's Mid-Life Crisis

Yep, you heard what I said. The actor used to make pretty good movies like Family Man, Matchstick Men, and Lord of War. Now where is he? He's grown his hair out, has suave lady's man skills, and can predict the future. It's official. Nicholas Cage is having a mid-life crisis, people! But no need to panic. I'm sure it'll pass eventually.. I hope.

It started with National Treasurer. We all generally liked the movie. It was funny and fast-paced, not really his normal stuff, but it wasn't so bad. He won over a pretty woman in the end that wasn't too far off his age range. But sadly, it didn't end there. The events to come are horrifying to say the least.

So what wonderfully action-packed, edge-of-your-seat films has he made lately, you ask? Let's see.. there's been:

Ghost Rider (2007)
Eva Mendez?!?!? 'Nuff said.

Next (2007)
He can see 2 minutes into the future and gets Jessica Biel for Christ's sake!
Bangkok Dangerous (2008)
I haven't even seen this movie but I think he steals cars and shoots people. Knowing (2009)
I actually watched this for some reason... Don't. The ending made me want to gouge my eyes out so I could stop seeing.
The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)

That's it! I can't take this! Look at his hair! I mean, look at it! And he has a friggin' goatee! Not to mention his magical powers! Bah!

So I think it's pretty safe to say that my theory is pretty accurate. What happened to the deep, indie films he used to make like Adaptation or Weather Man? What happened to switching faces with John Travolta or creeping on mortal Meg Ryan?

Just face it Mr.Cage. Not to be mean, but look into the mirror! You're 45, you have a receding hair line, and you're average looking! Now, will you take the duster jacket off, put the gun down, and stop pretending you know magic! We loved you when you acted your age.

3 comments:

Tara said...

This post was so funny. You totally just trashed Nicolas Cage. Haha! His current movies make me go WTF! I really did like his older movies like Family Man, Matchstick Men, and Weather Man. (What is up with the similar movie titles?)

Miss Vintage Vixen said...

LOL...

Oh my gosh, this is so creeepy I was just talking with my mom about this same subject! You see... she used to have a meag crush on Nicolas Cage, but I pointed out what horrible decisions he's made lately movie-wise, and she agreed he's getting old and stupid.

He's still got a nice smile...

Miss Mayhem said...

Sadly, I saw Knowing. It was the most horrible movie ever! Was killing the mother really necessary!?

-Miss Mayhem