Random Nostalgia: My Maid of Honor Speech

So once in a while, when I get bored, I start sifting through my old Creative Writing files that I've written over the years. Well I came upon the speech that I wrote for Tara's wedding as her Maid of Honor and started getting nostalgic. I thought I'd share. Note that the following was originally written for me to read aloud and not to read on paper!

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Tara and Wil. It’s become a commonly said phrase, considering they’ve only been together for… ten years! That’s more than half my life! So to me, their relationship is ancient… not to mention their ages…

But let’s not elaborate any more on that. Instead, let’s talk about what I see. Simply put, I see the perfect couple. A couple that can survive through thick and thin. A couple that screams FOREVER.

For example, when separated for a few days… no hours… no more like minutes, Tara begins to pine for her “long-lost love” and, yes, it makes me gag (make gagging motion). In their condo, they must spend every second in the same room together, even when it’s inconvenient! When Wil’s watching TV or playing video games, Tara does her work on the couch instead on the nice quiet desk in her computer room. And Wil has to wake up early every morning, but he stays up late with Tara because a bed without Tara in it is just not worth sleeping on. Of course, like you all, I’m assuming that she’s holding him hostage or something, because, honestly, who the heck would willingly spend so much time with Tara?!

There’s also this other time, when I went with Tara and Wil to New York to pick up the wedding invitations. Naturally, I talked to Tara the entire time. Well, guess what she said at the end of the day, “I miss Wil!” and, yes, he was right there in the car with us! So this is what I did, I took 3 of my fingers like this (make faux gun), put it to my head, and shot myself. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE PUT THEM OUT OF THEIR MISERY AND HAVE THEM SURGICALLY ATTACHED!?!?

Wil’s been like a brother to me and Tina for some time now. So when Tara called me with the news, I didn’t scream or cry, it was more like “FINALLY!” I’m sure we’ve all considered him already part of the family since like forever and it was about time that we made it official. Congratulations!