Thursday, December 31, 2009

I'm a Poet, and I Know It.

When I was in high school, I liked creative writing, particular writing poems. Ya know the kind where I poured out my heart and soul. And it was gut wrenching. And everything was dramatic. And I just wanted to die. Yeah, the awesome kind! Well, I don't write poems like I used to. Yes, it is sad. But I still have them to enjoy! Because I wrote them down and saved them, baby. I pulled out my old poetry journal recently. Man, are they painful to read. Meaning they are much so that they are hilarious!

Here are a few gems just for you.



Love to me saddens my heart and mind.
It expresses to me of what is not kind.
Love around me is love that is for another.
They don't love me; they love some other.
People who I once loved has turned away.
They left me there with nothing to say.
My soul aches and yearns for a caring hard.
I just want someone who will understand.
I need love like any human being.
I wish I can go blind and stop seeing.
The cruel world has done me great sorrow.
I lay in bed hoping there will be no tomorrow.
I look into tomorrow like a dead end.
It will trap me into becoming his friend.
Then it will turn away, and my heart will ache.
It will leave and go on and care for no one's sake.
I suffered greatly, and it will never be repaid.
I had love and happiness, and I knew it would fade.
What can I do to change they way I think and feel.
If there's such a thing as true love; is it real?
The sorrow is buried deep within my soul.
It won't break free. It won't let go.
Love is like a tree because it will eventually die.
I wish I could only say hello and not say good-bye.

Comment: Wow! I am depressing. I read this to Laura today, and she felt bad for me. Haha! Poor poor teenage one loved her apparently.


Who Are You?

Who are you to me?
You were once an insignificant nobody in my life,
a passerby, a stranger...
You watched as I wondered alone,
searching and seeking for something,
something to complete my life.
You were not easy to find.
I looked everywhere, and
I failed many times,
retrieving to my domain to weep away.
I did not even know when
I found you...
thinking you were just another
little something in my life.
My eyes were blocked by the
blazing sun of despair.
I realized it was you when
I gave up.
How ironic!
You were right here in front of me...
giving me the gift of love.
Who are you to me now?
Everything, the world, and life itself.
Your smile brightens my day.
Your touch leaves me weak with joy.
I never knew love
until I knew you.
I will cherish your gift forever,
holding it close to my heart
and never ever letting go.
Now I finally know who you are.

Comment: This poem was written on June 23, 1997. And it was about Huz! Haha! I wonder if this will embarrass him. Oh, well. My favorite part of this poem is "the blazing sun of despair." I try to say that any chance I get matter the conversation.



A new year, a new feeling, a new hope. Everything is the same yet there is something that is different. Something that has changed. Breathe in the new air, the fresh clean new air. Look around you. Not only look but experience, feel, smell, taste, hear it. 1995! Sigh! Wow, so many memories yet there is a big future ahead. A future full of hopes, dreams, disappointments, love, hate, and a new...everything. What is there? What is out there for me, you, everyone? Can I live it now? Can I see into it and smile or laugh or frown? 1995 has brought me many new thoughts of the past, present, and future. 1995 will always be cherished like the many other years that changed me and made me what I am today.

Comment: OMG! I wrote that 15 friggin' years ago. That is crazy. I've come a long way...or at least I'd like to think so. I thought this poem was apt since today is New Year's Eve. I'll look into 2010 and smile...or maybe laugh...or maybe frown. I haven't decided yet. Haha.



Sarah P said...

You wanted to go blind AND stop seeing? That IS depressing. It's like you wanted to become paralyzed AND lose the ability to move.

This is so, so brave. It makes me want to go find my cringe-worthy poetry.

I LOVE "the blazing sun of despair." Also a big fan of being "weak with joy." Trying to picture it makes me happy ... like you come home to your new puppy and instead of bounding toward you, he becomes weak with joy and just kind of falls over and sighs.

Tara said...

Haha! I also want to be deaf and stop hearing! I also want to die and stop living! I could go on all day!

I would love to read your poetry!

Yes, you would think I'll be "excited with joy." But you know teenagers. They are never excited about anything...just chill. Haha!

Laura said...

LOL Priceless

Anonymous said...

cuz just puked a little in his mouth.

Tara said...

Funny cuz. I think Huz threw up a little in his mouth as well.